I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
