I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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