This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize