My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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