He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
