youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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