if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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