Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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