Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
