He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
