Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize