Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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