it hurts more in the daytime
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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