Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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