Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
