this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
