I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
