you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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