Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
