Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize