We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
