he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
