new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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