the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
