oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
