They should really pass out barf bags in church
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
