She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
