went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
