i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
