you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
