hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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