he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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