What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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