Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
