Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
