Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
