she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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