what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
