So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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