I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
