i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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