im having a threesome with these popsicles
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
