He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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