kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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