Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
