the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
