I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
