we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
