And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
