I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
