To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
