He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize