Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
