It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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