I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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