This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
