Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
