Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
