hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
