you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I party with great urgency now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
