hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
