you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
