i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
