so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
