champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
