And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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