I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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