well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
