pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When did angry sex become our thing?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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