you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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