i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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