i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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