Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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